Oh My God -- He updates. What's worse? It's about the master cleanse.
Since this is supposed to be some kind of journal of what happens when I’m not living the vainglorious life of a music blogger or a production guru for film/tv/commercials, why am I ignoring this vital place where I can purge myself of the thoughts that plague me as I purge my body of the toxins that plague it?
YES PLAGUE PEOPLE. Plague, like pestilence and toads and crap like that. Some real “end of days” type shit must be happening in my body, and I have made the decision to recognize their impact by trying some really hokey-assed miracle cure hoping for a shot at redemption.
Day two of the master cleanse is bringing up a lot of real talk in my brain, and I realize I’ve been hanging on to those thoughts for dear life when, probably, I should update my Tumblr about them instead so I can bore my friends and fellow tumbloggers with them. Part of the cleansing, I gather, is wanting all of you to share in my pain. Apparently, when you douse your system with lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, filtered water, Bragg’s Apple Cider Vinegar and a liter of non-iodized sea-salt water every day, you see the light at the end of the tunnel on some things.
According to legend, this is because all those toxins floating around my body are being purged and I am becoming whole again! I am clearing myself of impurities!
I think this is because I’m gonna drop dead or start a six-state killing spree if I don’t get my fat fucking paws a fucking deep fried twinkie and a chocolate malted in short order.
BUT I DIGRESS.
I’ve been staring at the same bag of Black & White Kettle Corn for hours now, thinking how much one kernel of cocoa or vanilla popcorn would change my life forever. But somehow, miraculously, I snap out of it before the thought leaves my hands. It’s as if something other-worldly is guiding me, keeping me from wanting food or even a cigarette.
Now, you gotta understand. I don’t believe in this shit at all. I think it’s a bunch of alterna-hokey crackpot nonsense dreamed up by people who had too much free time on their hands.
So you’ll forgive me for being creeped out and being forced to report that it’s working. I do not know why, and I don’t know if I care why. But it’s doing something to me that hasn’t been done in a while.
No, not crapping myself. I’m starting to feel like myself again.
